five things about men

February 10, 2007 at 11:31 am (dating, relationships, Uncategorized)

5 things women need to know about men….

  1. Men are not like us.  They are a different species.  Your boyfriend is not your best girl friend.  Men are hard wired differently.  Women physiologically have a greater capacity for understanding and processing their emotions.  Don’t expect your guy to have the depth of emotional self-awareness that you do.  Trust that he is doing his best and being the best boyfriend he can be.  If he comes over at 2am to get rid of a scary spider, puts together your IKEA shelves and helps your dad paint the fence, he loves you.  He is probably better at showing it than saying it.  
  2. Men fall in love in the spaces.  Women fall in love when we are together.  Let him miss you, think about you.  He has a biological imperative to be the pursuer – nothing changes this.  Let him be the one to call first, to email first etc.  Let him ask YOU out.  Don’t engineer a meeting unless you want to be the one who engineers the relationship for the rest of time.  Don’t ask him on a date or send him a romantic card unless you want to be the pursuer in the relationship.  Be honest.  Which one is more gratifying – sending him a card or flowers or having him send them to you? 
  3. Men listen to your actions, not your words.  ‘Tawking’ about the relationship won’t fix it.  Change what you DO – be less available, more feminine.  Complaining that he is late home every night won’t change anything.   YOU be the one who is late home, busy with friends or at the gym.  And do it with love and happiness.  Let go of the resentment and change YOUR behaviour.   
  4. Men are visual.  Accept it.  Do what you have to do.  Lose weight, get a make over.  Be the most attractive you that you can be.  It’s good for your self-esteem, which is good for your relationship!   He is going to look at other women.  Don’t make a big deal out of it.  A good guy will do it discreetly.  If he ogles and leers at other women and compares you, he is not a good guy.  Next!
  5.  Men are not the enemy.  There is nothing your boyfriend wants more than to make you the happiest woman in the world.  Be easy to please, show gratitude and appreciation.  A wise woman once said to me ‘Don’t criticise, condemn or complain.’  If you need to tell him something, say it directly and concisely.  Tell him what the problem is and if you have a preference, tell him that too.  Instead of  “You always leave your towels on the floor and I am sick of stepping over them.  You’re such a slob!  I’m not your maid!  Why don’t you pick  up after yourself!”, try saying “Honey, can hang your towel out after you’re finished.  It makes things easier.”  If he doesn’t, let the towels sit there.  You AREN’T his maid.  He can pick them up and throw them in the laundry or suffer the consequences of not having clean towels.  Bitching at him achieves nothing.

What do YOU think women need to know about men? 

What would you like to tell your younger sister (or equivalent thereof) about guys?

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trainwreck waiting to happen

February 6, 2007 at 11:33 am (dating, relationships, Uncategorized)

So my roommate Georgia met this guy a little while ago and he was involved with someone else so she told him they couldn’t see each other until he sorted the girl situation out.   He said ok, then called her the next morning at about 7.30am.  She invited him over.  They had sex for the first time.

He then spent the weekend at his country house with this other girl and called Georgia on his way back into town.  She started to ‘tawk’ about her feelers and he got off the phone real fast.  

She turned to me and said “He was so rude just then, he has no manners.  My feelings are hurt!”. 

I said “Well you don’t really know him yet.  Maybe this is just his way and he doesn’t mean anything by it.  Just chalk it up to information about his character and see what happens next.”

She got one or two text messages from him through the week.  Friday afternoon at about 6 he calls her and says “What are you doing tonight?  Want to come over for dinner?”  

She said sure and went over to his house to have another tawk.  I’ll bet you anything they have sex again.  He’ll give her excuses about this other girl and why they can’t break up.

Is it just me or is this guy offering Georgia crumbs and she’s lapping it up?

She’s ‘rewarding’ his appalling behaviour with her rapt attention and is totally emotionally invested in this situation already.

If she kept her knickers on, she wouldn’t stand such a chance of getting her heart broken into tiny little pieces.

I don’t know what to say to her, or how to react.  I know exactly what’s going to happen.  She has expectations of him that he’s not meeting, that he doesn’t even have an obligatoin to try and meet because they’re not in a relationship!  He’s not even single!

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long distance love

January 19, 2007 at 11:31 pm (dating, relationships)

What do you think about long distance relationships?  Can they work?  Are they a way of avoiding intimacy or just bad luck for the participants?

My friend’s boyfriend lives in the UK.  She lives in California.  Neither of them will move.  I think that’s crazy.  She would be able to get work in the UK in her industry.  She won’t.  She doesn’t want to leave the US.  So five years on they are stuck in the stalemate of a trans-atlantic love affair.  She doesn’t date anyone else and I’ve never met him but I’m assuming he doesn’t, so what’s the point? 

It’s a classic way of avoiding intimacy, if you ask me.

What would you sacrifice for love?  What if ‘the one’ for you lived in Siberia?  Would you go? 

 Another friend met a woman in Finland when he was there on business.  They stayed in touch and she came here three months later.  They have lived here for a few years but she can’t work.  They have a 2 year old child and are heading back to Finland because they can both work there.  He will get a transfer with his company.

My best friend is Irish and met her Australian husband in Israel and now they live in the US.  Life is funny 🙂

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are you a lesbian?

January 17, 2007 at 10:19 pm (dating, relationships)

Last night I went to the pub with L to hear her sing Karaoke.  It was a gay pub and prediminately a gay crowd.

Some guy was doing his best to pick me up.  At one point he said to me “So are you Australian?”  I said “Of course, are you?”

He looked shocked and said “No, I’m straight!”

Then it dawned on me that what he actually said was “Are you a lesbian?”

Lucky I didn’t say “Of course.  Are you from New Zealand?” like I was going to.

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no sparklies?

January 9, 2007 at 11:43 am (dating, relationships)

Today I went with Bride to see the wedding venue.  It’s lovely.  I can visualise how it will all fit together now.  We were both a bit tired.

When I got home I had a sleep (woke up at 9pm!) and checked my email.  There was an email from MG asking to see me.  I am not sure what I will do yet.

I miss him, but frankly all this time, if there isn’t the prospect of something sparkly on my left hand, I am not hanging around any longer. 

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mr un-happy

November 28, 2006 at 1:02 pm (dating, relationships)

I went walking with E last night.  There were 1500 people at M’s funeral on Monday.  I don’t think she will get over this any time soon.  It’s just too strange and too sad.

We had dinner at her new house.  She moved in with her bf and another friend last week.  This was the first time I had met the bf.  He was a Capricorn so I liked him.  He is almost an Aquarian though which maybe explains the bedroom problems they are having.  (No offence to the Aquarians among us…)  I thought it was odd for a Capricorn, or any Earth sign actually. 

We thought we fixed it the first time she mentioned it – we got her to send him a text message saying “I want you to come over now and xyz”, which he promptly did and things were great for a while, but now it’s back to a lack of action.  She said she will give it six months and if it’s not working by then, she’ll have to break up with him.  Pity cos he is a nice guy, but I don’t blame her.  No one can live with a passion-less r’ship.

We still haven’t heard back from the owner of our house as to whether we can have a dog.

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